Writer's Note: This piece was written in November 2001, which means I was 10 months sober at the time. I am still trusting my free fall into the Father's hand, gratefully.

I feel I cannot take this anymore.

Trust me, God says.

What if I call out and you don't hear me?

Trust me to hear you, my child.

But what if I trust you and you forget me?

Trust me to remember you. I always do.

God, I'm falling backward. What if you don't catch me?

I will catch you. You are my daughter.

Ok, Lord. But you feel so distant!

Trust that I am always nearby.

What if you turn your back on me, like so many others have?

Trust me not to forsake you. I never will.

God, I am aching for your presence.

I hold your very soul.

Fear not and turn around…

Here I am!

You don't understand, God. The human condition is painful!

I do understand. I was human once, too.

But Father, I have no crutch! I cannot drink. I cannot escape.

Not even for a moment!

Trust me. I am trustworthy.

Lean into me!

I'm babystepping toward you, Lord.

You cannot 'babystep' trust, my child.

Okay – I'm jumping, God!
I'm falling, God!

I'm about to HIT BOTTOM, God!


Where am I? What has happened?

You are in my hand. I love you.

Trust me to catch you every day.

I will, you know.

I always rescue what is mine.


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