Writer's Note: This piece was written in November 2001, which means I was 10 months sober at the time. I am still trusting my free fall into the Father's hand, gratefully.
I feel I cannot take this anymore.
Trust me, God says.
What if I call out and you don't hear me?
Trust me to hear you, my child.
But what if I trust you and you forget me?
Trust me to remember you. I always do.
God, I'm falling backward. What if you don't catch me?
I will catch you. You are my daughter.
Ok, Lord. But you feel so distant!
Trust that I am always nearby.
What if you turn your back on me, like so many others have?
Trust me not to forsake you. I never will.
God, I am aching for your presence.
I hold your very soul.
Fear not and turn around…
Here I am!
You don't understand, God. The human condition is painful!
I do understand. I was human once, too.
But Father, I have no crutch! I cannot drink. I cannot escape.
Not even for a moment!
Trust me. I am trustworthy.
Lean into me!
I'm babystepping toward you, Lord.
You cannot 'babystep' trust, my child.
Okay – I'm jumping, God!
I'm falling, God!
I'm about to HIT BOTTOM, God!
Where am I? What has happened?
You are in my hand. I love you.
Trust me to catch you every day.
I will, you know.
I always rescue what is mine.